David Frizzell

[Intro] I came crawling home last night Like many nights before I finally made it to my feet As she opened up the door And she said, "You're not gonna do this anymore" [Chorus] She said "I'm gonna' hire a wino to decorate our home So you'll feel more at ease here And you won't need to roam We'll take out the dining room table And put a bar along that wall And a neon sign will point the way To our bathroom down the hall" [Verse 1] She said, "Just bring your Friday paychecks And I'll cash them all right here And I'll keep on tap for all your friends Their favorite kinds of beer And for you, I'll always keep in stock Those soft aluminum cans And when you're feeling macho You can crush 'em like a man" [Verse 2] She said, "We'll rip out all the carpet And put sawdust on the floor Serve hard boiled eggs and pretzels And I won't cook no more There'll be Monday Night Football On T.V. above the bar And a pay phone in the hallway When your friends can't find their car" [Chorus] She said "I'm gonna' hire a wino to decorate our home So you'll feel more at ease here And you won't need to roam We'll take out the dining room table And put a bar along that wall And a neon sign will point the way To our bathroom down the hall" [Verse 3] She said "You'll get friendly service And for added atmosphere I'll slip on something sexy And I'll cut it clear to here Then you can slap my bottom Every time you tell a joke Just as long as you keep tipping Well, I'll laugh until you're broke" [Verse 4] She said, "Instead of a family quarrel We'll have a bar-room brawl When the Ham's bear say's its closing time, you won't have far to crawl And when you run out of money You'll have me to thank You can sleep it off next morning While I'm putting it in the bank" [Bridge] She said "I'm gonna' hire a wino to decorate our home So you feel more at ease here And you won't need to roam Then when you and your friends get off from work And you have a powerful thirst Well there won't be any reason Why you can't stop off here first" [Chorus] She said "I'm gonna' hire a wino to decorate our home So you'll feel more at ease here And you won't need to roam We'll take out the dining room table And put a bar along that wall And a neon sign to point the way To our bathroom down the hall" [Outro] She said, "I'm gonna' hire a wino to decorate our home So you'll feel more at ease here And you won't need to roam We'll take out the dining room table And put a bar along